Peace From Within

I didn’t start travelling because it looked good online. I started because somewhere along the way, life split in two.

I went from what felt like a solid, loving family into something completely different. Things happened that changed me. Physically and mentally. I didn’t really know how to carry it. I became quieter. More closed off. The version of me that used to be out there slowly disappeared.

I walked away from things that once meant everything to me. Sport. Friendships. Parts of myself I didn’t know how to hold onto anymore. On the outside I still did well. I worked hard, showed up, succeeded in the roles I was in. But I never pushed further. It was like I learned how to function without really living.

I’ve moved through extremes trying to make sense of it all. Chasing highs and losing myself in that. Then becoming a born again Christian, searching for structure and certainty. Now I feel somewhere in between. Learning to just be. To follow something quieter and more honest.

Freedom to me is the ocean. It’s learning new things. It’s not being told what to do. It’s waking up and knowing the day is mine. Nothing I have to do. Just what I choose. And lately, it’s been the quiet shift of caring less about what other people think. Letting that go has been its own kind of freedom.

There was a moment out here where I felt like myself again. I paddled out and caught a wave, and for a second I was a kid again. I didn’t care what time I went in. I didn’t care where I was. I didn’t care who was watching. I was just there, in it, surfing God’s ocean.

I felt it again in stillness. Sitting in meditation, I connected to something deeper. My intuition, the place where I feel God. And it felt the same as it did when I was younger. Back when life felt safe. Like nothing had really changed in all that time.

I grew up around these ideas. I heard my parents speak about spirituality my whole life. I always nodded along, but part of me resisted it. Now I’m starting to see that I didn’t learn it, I’m returning to it. The same way I felt as a kid is still there.

At the same time, I’m realising there’s still things in me I need to work on. I can get frustrated. Sometimes angry, especially when something feels unfair or disrespectful. I’ve noticed it in small moments. The way people treat places, the lack of awareness. I’m trying to sit with that instead of react. Meditation has been helping me slow that down.

Travelling feels like the first time I’ve given myself space to face it instead of burying it. Some days it feels like freedom. Other days it feels like I’m still running. Maybe it’s both.

I’m not searching for a past version of myself. I’m here, as I am. And I want to keep growing into that. To stay close to peace. To stay connected to something higher, as deeply as I can.